dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
