good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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