I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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