Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
