You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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