Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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