Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
