smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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