the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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