maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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