It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
