My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
