I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
