apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize