Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
