I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
