11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
