Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
