he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
