Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
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