I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
