Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i now understand why vodka
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
