I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
