He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
