Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
