This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
