I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
