Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
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she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
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All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.