You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello