My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
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I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
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I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.