I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months