wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
