We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
