as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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