At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
