Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
