tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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