Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
