There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
