Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
