just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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