I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
