She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize