shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
