After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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