Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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