What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
