i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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