Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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