Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Randomize
