all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
