things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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