he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
