He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
