News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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