I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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