Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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