flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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