I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
