I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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