I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
