White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
