I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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