I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
