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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
