so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
