so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
