Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
