im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
