just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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