A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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