tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
